Mealtimes are about so much more than eating. Whether you sit down to eat together once a month, once a week, or once a day—mealtimes are an opportunity to connect. We all have images of some ideal family meal. Everyone comes together at a beautifully set dining room table and eats without arguing. There’s laughter and inside jokes as we share stories about our days. The food is delicious, is easy to cook, and everyone loves it. Everyone helps clean-up and it only takes a few minutes. The mealtime is so lovely that everyone sits there for an hour just enjoying one another. The truth is, mealtimes don’t look like that for anybody. They don’t have to look like that at all for your family to connect and appreciate one another.
The Stress Free Way to Manage Mealtimes
Nobody wants to have a mealtime that’s stressful. Nobody wants a lot of arguing. We don’t want our kids to run away from the table or refuse to come to the table. Or even worse, maybe your meal time looks peaceful on the outside, but doesn’t feel good inside. Why does that happen? What can we do about it? Division of Responsibility Feeding will help a lot. The next tool you need in your toolkit is coaching.
Connect through Coaching
We introduced coaching as the stress free way to manage mealtimes. Next were are going to talk about taking coaching to the next level. As we already talked about, coaching is about taking some of the emotion out of how we talk about the behavior that we want to see and this is really important in the moment when we are giving a correction or direction. Another way we can coach is by providing guidance outside the actual situation where we want to see the skill. We do this following a three P approach: Plan, Practice, Process.
Connect through Communication
Sharing our memories, thoughts, feelings, and ideas are some of the important ways we feel closer as a family. Sometimes it can be difficult for children to share what they’re thinking (and parents too). There are lots of ways you can open the door to more meaningful conversations during meals whether or not your child uses verbal language as their primary form of communication. Here are six strategies that may make sharing during family meals easier: (1) slow down the conversation, (2) give directions for communication, (3) use visuals, (4) emphasize non-verbal communication, 5) tell the story of your family, and 6) include augmentative and alternative communication (AAC).
Connect through Chores
For many of us, the thought of adding chores to our child’s daily routine seems like a bridge too far. It’s hard enough getting everything done when we do it ourselves! But when we coach our way through chores, they don’t have to be a source of stress or conflict. Chores can actually be a tool that helps bring the family together. On top of that, chores are important for ensuring your child has the skills they need for the future. The trick to introducing chores in a way that children can accept is matching the chore to where they are at developmentally.
Disconnect to Connect
We realize that screen time can be divisive—we’re not trying to make anyone feel guilty about their parenting practices. TV, tablets, and phones are all important parts of everyday life. Some families ban screen time for their children. Other families provide each child with their own TV or tablet and don’t limit their use. Many families are somewhere in between. There are some reputable guidelines out there regarding screen time, but there’s also a lot of misinformation. You can probably guess, that too much screen time is associated with negative outcomes, but why? And how do you think about moderation?